Daddy

It’s hard to believe that it’s been 11 years since my father died, but it has. Having suffered with emphysema and chronic lung disease for years, he died early on the morning of October 19, 1998. It was Sunday. My brother Mike called around 5:00 a.m. to let me know that the end was nigh so Carrie and I quickly dressed and headed for Camden. We stopped for gas at what used to be called Jimmy Carter’s between Florence and Aynor, and that’s when and where I got the news. I NEVER ride by there without thinking about how I felt when my sister Ann told me.  I just couldn’t believe that I had missed his last moments.

This isn’t a post about his death but rather about his life and his lasting legacy. Every day of their lives my parents showed by word and deed how a person was supposed to live. They weren’t perfect, of course. No one is. But at the same time I can honestly say that I daily express gratitude for the examples they set and the sacrifices they made. They loved the four of us and their grandchildren very much.  Even when he was his sickest, he’d always made sure to shower and shave and dab on some Aqua Velva if he knew any of us were coming. I loved that.

John Marlon was tall, dark, and handsome. And yes, I definitely am more than a little biased, but even my daughter Elizabeth frequently says, “Mom, Granddaddy Padgett looked like a movie star. Even my friends think so.” Looks fade, but character remains, and until the end, he was honest and dependable. 

Somewhat eccentric, especially in his later years, we never knew what he was going to think of next…or to say. I well recall when he got on a chaos theory jag and wanted to share his ideas with all of us. I finally said something like, “Daddy, I’m too busy thinking about laundry, meal preparation, and soccer practice to even try to understand the definition, much less delve into its concepts.” He seemed to accept that. I think he felt a little sorry for me, but I don’t know whether it was because of my working mother role or because he thought I was too dense to grasp chaos theory.

Time is short, and I really need to get busy with work. After all, he and my mother taught us all about the Protestant work ethic, and I feel certain that he might disapprove of my using work time to write a tribute to him. I just want to say that I miss him…a lot, especially today. I miss having someone in my corner who would always listen to my ideas no matter how far out they were. He’s the only person in my family who understood my conversion to the LDS faith. Or rather, he was the only one who wasn’t upset or judgmental about it. He knew his eldest child was not (and is not) flighty and fickle, that she investigates things fully before taking a course of action.

Better get to work. By the way, the pictures above don’t do him justice, but they’re the only ones I have on my desktop at work.

Hendersonville Travelogue

It’s official. This year I’m really a hunting widow.  DH frequently says, “When I retire, I’ll go anywhere you want to go because then I’ll be able to hunt during the week and have the weekend free for whatever you want to do.” Yeah right.

Never a person to sulk (at least not for long), I decided that I could either wait on him or begin going and doing NOW. Actually, I’ve always been somewhat of a solo act in some ways because I realized early in my life that I’d never get to go anywhere or see anything if I waited for someone else. Hence, yesterday  my sister-in-law Lisa and I went to Hendersonville for a day of shopping, dining, and apple buying. Although the leaves were still mostly green, the weather was bone chilling (I kid you not), and it was a perfect day for mountain travel.

We left Blythewood a little after 7:00 a.m., and with no men along, we agreed that we were going to concentrate on the journey and not the destination. You ladies out there know exactly what I’m talking about, right? On the outskirts of Spartanburg, Lisa mentioned that she and my brother had memorized where all of the Starbucks locations were along the road. She said it so longingly that I knew she wanted to stop, so naturally I encouraged her to. We got to Barnes and Noble outside of Spartanburg a few minutes after it opened, and while she got her Starbucks drink, I searched for this month’s book club selection (Moloka’l by Alan Brennert) and bought a couple of gifts. Then we noticed a nearby TJ Maxx and decided to take a quick walk-through. How could we not with it being right there and all?  Do I need to tell you how my husband and brother would have reacted to this side trip???

Back in the car and on the interstate, we saw the first glimpse of the mountains almost right away. It’s always a kick. It wasn’t long before we arrived in Hendersonville, and the Curb Market was our first stop. People from nearby communities bring jams, jellies, baked goods, plants, jewelry, pictures, and other merchandise to sell there, and Lisa and I bought some damson plum jam and pumpkin brownies. I also bought the beautiful wreath above. From there we visited a huge antique mall, a consignment shop called Two Chicks, and the Mast General Store. We LOVE that place, and yesterday we browsed through the crowded store sipping hot apple cider with dozens and dozens of other shoppers. After devouring burgers and chips at  Mike’s on Main  (lots of ambience) and a brief visit to McFarlan’s Bakery, we headed to the Sky Top Apple Orchard.

Lisa and Mike’s Camry wound its way to the top of the mountain in Zirconia where we were fortunate to find a parking place. As we walked towards the huge open-air  facility, we saw a long, long line of people waiting for hot donuts. I found that somewhat amusing: the crisp healthy apples juxtaposed to the not so healthy hot donuts. We bought some Winesap, Gala, Fuji, and Cameo apples after checking the place out. There was hot caramel for apple dipping, a dozen or more varieties of apples, apple slice samples, hot cider, hundreds of jars of jams and jellies, and a variety of cake and muffin mixes.

Shivering, we finally made our purchases and headed down the mountain. Somehow we missed our exit and ended up in a little hamlet called Tuxedo. The men would have had a stroke, but we loved our little side trip around the lake. I can’t help but think of how it must feel to wake up every day with the lake on one side of your house and the mountains on the other.

We arrived at Lisa and Mike’s house at 7:35, allowing me just enough time to change and freshen up before meeting DH at the Voice Male concert. It was awesome, the perfect ending to a perfect day. I’m still awed at their talents. “The Shadow of Your Smile” was probably my favorite, but then the chipmunk thing was good too. And so was the “choreography,” if you can call it that. Amazing!

So what’s the point of the above rambling? It’s to remind you (and me too!) that the world’s a great, big beautiful place, and we can either sit around and talk about how we’re going to do this and that SOMEDAY, or we can just do it. Also, when on a trip, we need to enjoy every moment of it, even the side excursions. And finally, even when you’re really tired and just want to go home, add the icing on the cake, that last little event that tops off.

Hair Color and Lipstick

For those of you who read my blog on a somewhat regular basis, you know by now that I don’t have a theme. Sometimes the posts might be religious in nature, while at other times they might range from family excursions and experiences to politics and friends. I’m telling you this because today’s thoughts have nothing to do with anything I’ve ever written before. It is a topic, however, that I’ve been thinking about lately.

At church Sunday a friend made a comment about my hair. Was it a little longer than usual? A little darker too? Yes…and yes again. “I like it,” she said. “My hair’s probably longer than it’s been in years, and I’m enjoying wearing it this way.” While she went on to say that while some people might have a problem with the length and color (auburn) of her hair, she didn’t care. After all, why should it be anyone else’s concern how a woman “of a certain age” wears her hair? Sophia and I then got into a somewhat animated conversation about how much better off we’d all be if people minded their own business. We’ve earned the privilege to wear our hair and make-up any darned way we want to, so if you’re thinking of saying something disparaging for our “own good,” keep it to yourself.

Is there a rule somewhere that says one must be dowdy once she reaches midlife? What about when she crosses over into later adulthood? Does that mean a woman should stop caring about her appearance? I think not. In fact, there are tons of women who would look a thousand times better if they’d just do a little “something, something.” I’m not saying a 60 year old should try to look 40 or even 50. I am saying, however, that she needs to try to make the most of what she has. Ditto to her young counterparts. How hard can it be to pluck your eyebrows or put on some lipstick?

I think it was Nora Ephron who said that the single most important thing women could do to improve their appearance is to color their hair. I think she has a point there. Why be gray if you don’t have to be? In fact, you can be blond, auburn, brunette, and all sorts of colors in-between. You can have high lights or low lights. In a word, coloring your hair can be FUN. Yes, I know there are some women who feel that it’s too artificial (or something). If they only knew how much better they’d look if….Oh and by the way, for those with that attitude, I can’t help but notice that they have no compunction about wearing makeup. Is that natural? No, it’s artificial (or something).

I once had a friend (I still have her, but I don’t get to see her much anymore) who said she’d stop caring about her appearance when she was six feet under. Hmmm. I’m not so sure about that part. But I do know that how I wear my hair is my business, so if you have negative comments, keep them to yourself. And sheesh, put on some lipstick please.

Natural Consequences

For the past several months, I’ve been getting a daily installment of scriptures on hotmail, and it’s been awesome. Since I could custom order what I wanted, I decided to start with Psalms and Proverbs, and then I backtracked to Genesis through Deuteronomy, the Pentateuch. Then, since we’ve been studying the Doctrine and Covenants in Sunday school this year, I opted to receive a daily dose of that. It’s been fantastic, especially since I finally figured out how to access hotmail on my Blackberry. So if anyone sees me checking out my phone, I might be checking for missed calls or for FB posts, but it’s also quite likely that I’m reading the scriptures. How handy is that?

Today I’m thinking of a verse from D & C 82:10:  “I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.” As I read this passage on my phone, I remembered some comments made by a former bishop. Frequently, people “lost and weary” and troubled in heart and soul sought him out. And then sometimes they looked to him for helpful advice on everyday issues related to marriage, finances, employment, and prodigal children.  This particular bishop said he always asks his advice seekers some basic questions pertaining to living the gospel of Christ.

• Do you show love to others, even those nearest and dearest to you? I mention that question because sometimes people find it easier to write big checks to a favorite charity than spend an hour with a child or spouse.
• Do you pray often, both alone and as a family or couple? Do you thank the Lord for His tender mercies and ask for His guidance in matters great and small?
• Do you attend church meetings and fulfill all callings (or church positions) to the best of your ability?
• Do you read and study the scriptures?
• Are you living the commandments, especially the first and greatest of them all?
• Do you pay a full tithe?
• Are you keeping the Sabbath holy?

Interestingly but not surprisingly, the answers are often no, no, no, and no again. Hey, I’m not a perfect person and have been known to slip and fall more times than I can count. At the same time, I KNOW from experience and observation that obedience brings more peace and solace than disobedience does.  Sometimes walking a straight path is more challenging than taking fun side trips, and yet the consequences are better…especially in the long run.

The more I think about this principle of obedience, the more I realize that it’s just like real life. There are always consequences for our behavior. If you don’t practice the piano, you’ll be mediocre at best, and the same goes for sports. If you give your work “a lick and a promise,” you’ll soon earn the reputation of being a so-so employee. If you have hissy-fits to get your way, you might find yourself without friends. If you keep smoking, you might find yourself walking about with an oxygen pack. The odd part is that people don’t necessarily see their own part in these unfortunate consequences.

Funny how the messages in the scriptures apply to so many aspects of our lives isn’t it? Whether temporal or spiritual, there are always consequences, and I want all the good ones I can get.

Be the Change

The picture of the above sign says it all…or rather, it’s the theme of what I want to write about today. Along with a beautiful book of photographs of beach houses and decorating tips, my friend Connie gave it to me for my birthday/housewarming. That very weekend I placed it in the kitchen window of my little beach bungalow so that I could be reminded of Gandhi’s words. (Later, I’m going to blog about the importance of having like-minded friends who can bring out the best of you).

Back to the plaque. A few months ago at church, someone mentioned that instead of just asking God to be with the “sick and afflicted,” the widows, the poor, etc., that maybe we should DO something to help. It’s easy to pray but not so easy to actually do one’s part to bring about positive change. Although I haven’t actually done much for the poor and needy and sick, I’ve been pondering more of how to help and what to do. Yes, I know that talk is cheap, but I am committed to doing something even if it’s just to write a check or work in a soup kitchen.

What I’d like is for the world I inhabit to be a kinder, gentler place. What am I doing to “be the change?”  I can’t change the mindset of the world leaders, single-handedly stop crime, or halt the horrific abuse of children and women, but I can make some changes in my little corner of the world. I can keep annoyance and anger out of my voice. I can do as the Talmud advises and “Be kinder than necessary.” I can give someone the benefit of the doubt. I can smile more often. I can give more hugs…when appropriate.

My aunt and I were chatting the other evening, and she was telling me about a doctor’s office she had visited. Impressed with the personnel and the treatment, she says she’ll be going back there. One big factor was the gentle hug she got from the nurse practitioner.  That one act on the part of this employee made a huge impact on my aunt and influenced her decision of where to go for medical help. I think concern and warmth can positively affect the healing process too. The bottom line here is that if this nurse practitioner can “be the change” in her sphere. So can I. And so can you.

Beach Bungalow

I love Camden; really I do. It’s lovely and historic and has lots of tree-lined streets and beautiful parks. These parks are especially beautiful at night, probably because of the combination of trees and lighting. It’s a real treat to motor around town and see all this pretty stuff. We also have railroad tracks, bridges, beautiful old homes, a quaint but dying downtown area, pretty churches, and plenty of charming people. I grew up here under the watchful eye of King Haiglar who stands, bow and arrow in hand, atop the old Moore’s department store building. Still. Still, I didn’t cry when I left for Myrtle Beach in 1972. I did, however, shed a tear or two when I came back in 2002.

I don’t believe in looking back but in relishing the present and looking forward to the future. I’m not Lot’s wife. I’ve “moved on” many times in life and have found that it’s healthier than staying mired in the past, longing for days of yore. People, places, and events live on in my heart and mind, but I’m usually pretty good at letting go when the time comes.

Still, my children all grew up in Myrtle Beach and Conway, and they all have roots and attachments there. One lives and works in the nearby town of Aynor and vows never to live Horry County. Since Amanda’s parents and extended family live in Myrtle Beach, she and Paul visit there for get-togethers including showers, celebrations, and holidays.  In fact, this past spring on one such visit, I met Paul at Target for a bit of browsing around while Amanda was at a baby shower.  We then jumped in the car and continued our shopping at Homegoods for a few minutes until we hugged good-bye in the parking lot. Huh? What kind of reunion is that? It might be fine for my handsome son, but not for his mama. Is that what it comes to? Meeting in restaurants and commercial establishments? Heck, I didn’t even get to see Amanda on that visit at all.

Vowing to change things, DH and I began looking into what, how, and when we could afford to purchase a little bungalow in Myrtle Beach. With the help of the best realtor on the strand, Timna Benson, we located a modest unit on what used to be the old MB Air Force Base and quickly began the process of purchasing it.  By practicing more provident living, I think we can swing it unless the unforeseen occurs.  And Folks, even if it does, having owned it for two months so far has been worth it. Yes, I love it that much..and so do my children and grandchildren who’ve been there. Paul and Amanda live in Atlanta and haven’t been back to the Strand since the purchase in August, but I  hope to see them cross the threshold soon.

Looks like I’ve strayed from my intended topic which was how to decorate on a shoestring budget.For now, I’ll just say that it’s possible (and quite fun) to furnish a home without breaking the bank. Elizabeth, Ann, and I have scoured antique stores in Walterboro, Sumter, and Camden looking for just the right dining table, lamps, and nightstands, and we’ve hit the jackpot on more than one occasion. We bought other affordable pieces (couch, chairs, and bedframes) from Unclaimed Furniture in Myrtle Beach, and I highly recommend that establishment to anyone. Not only are the prices reasonable, but they also deliver free of charge unlike others in the Camden/Lugoff area who shall go unnamed. I will NEVER pay a huge markup for basic furniture again, and I feel a little sick just thinking about the times I’ve done so. Get this. The men from Unclaimed Furniture even set up three beds, and still there was no charge.

Now a brief comment about prettying up the place. We took a few things off the wall of our home in Camden, and I ordered some things from www.allposters.com and took them to the Frame Factory in Myrtle Beach to be framed. These folks are reasonable, and they have great ideas on color and style. Almost every time I’m there, there’s someone from another town or state dropping something off or picking something up. Yes, they’re that good!

Sure didn’t intend to get so long winded about this. The bottom line is that we’ve worked hard to make this dream come true, and I’m looking forward to many joyous occasions spent in that little 1227 square foot home.  The second point I wanted to make is that it’s quite possible to decorate without spending one’s life’s savings, and in these economic times, provident living is more important than ever.

That’s it for now. Soon I’ll be packing my laptop and an overnight bag and heading east. Why the laptop? Alas, because I’m mixing business with pleasure and working on my online courses. I’m thinking of that old line that goes something like, “Take what you want, God says, but pay for it.”