P.S. to Connections

Sure hope I didn’t come across as a boastful braggart in last week’s post about the importance of friends and family in helping us find our way through life. While it’s true that I’ve been extraordinarily blessed with relationships with lovely people, it’s also true that few of them (none, in fact) came marching up to my door, rang the bell, and said, “Hey, I want to be your buddy.” Quite the contrary. Often, I had to take the initiative, whether it was in squaring my shoulders and making myself go where the action was or in making myself speak up and say, “Hi, I’m Jayne.”

Sometimes it’s hard to get out of our comfort zones, but if we don’t, then how can we grow? How can we meet these marvelous people who are just on the other side of the door? As a quick example, today Elizabeth and I attended church in Conway. “Big deal,” some of you might be thinking. “Didn’t you go there for years, and don’t you still have friends there?” The answer is yes…and yes again. At the same time, the Conway ward used to be a small branch, and we knew everyone there. Today Lib and I had to scan the congregation pretty closely to find two empty seats. Er, we got there a few minutes late, and well, we didn’t get any back row seats. What I’m saying is that the number of people attending has greatly increased, and many of them are strangers to us.

But after Relief Society (LOVE that organization), I asked one of the women if she still worked at HGTC. “No,” she replied. “I resigned in order to complete my degree and to work on my family.” I understand what she meant 100 percent. Anyway, as we chatted, she mentioned that she was having a birthday party/luncheon for her little grandson and asked if we wanted to attend. Duty called for both Elizabeth and me, so I reluctantly declined and said I sure hoped she’d extend another invitation in the future. She said she would;  in fact, she said she thought we probably had a lot in common and that we’d find plenty to talk about.  I agree. And the funny thing is, I’d never spoken to her before although I’d seen her pretty face for five or six years when visiting that ward. Today I stepped out of my comfort zone and made a new friend. You should too.

Just a couple more friend and family notes. Friday evening, I was fortunate enough to have dinner with work friends, past and present, and to meet yet another new friend who lives in NMB. From the looks of how his friendship with CCD is progressing, I’ll probably be seeing more of him.  The rest of the weekend was spent with DH’s family, shopping and dining out. Sara J’s in Garden City is a great place for seafood, by the way. The weekend was bookended by lunch with Paul at the Wendy’s on Assembly Street in Columbia on Friday and church attendance with Elizabeth in Conway today.  

Now’s the time to mention that I’m more of an introvert than an extravert. Yes, it’s true. I value my solitude and have to have it in order to recharge my mental, emotional, and spiritual batteries. After spending nearly three hours on the beach alone on Saturday morning, I was again ready to face the world. It was overcast morning, perfect for collecting sea shells, people watching, and walking. And oh my, the sight of ocean and the sound of its roar added to my morning’s walk. How can anyone visit the edge of the continent and not feel His presence? I’m including a few pictures that I snapped with my Blackberry. 

So yes, friends and families are ultra important. If you’re reading this and are feeling alone and sort of “out of the loop,” pick up the phone and call someone. Or send a card or an email or go to an evening church service. Or look for events in your area where like-minded people might be congregating, and then GO THERE. I have a “be brave” label on my front page, and it’s been there for quite a while, mainly as a reminder to me but also as a prompt for others. As the late Gordon B. Hinckley was fond of saying, “Do it.”

Connections

I talked with Jeanita, my oldest childhood friend, for 45 minutes while on my evening walk yesterday.  This was after having dining with Connie and Kristi at San Jose’s where we shared conversation and laughter over fajitas and quesadillas. Connie had just spent a few days of fun and friendship in NMB, and Kristi and I enjoyed hearing about her time there. Oh, and earlier in the day I had lunch with Martha and Jim, a lunch over which we discussed stories from the Bible, teaching experiences, and our families. I particularly enjoyed Martha’s story about her father chasing her and some friends in his Volkswagen when he spied them going down a path she wasn’t supposed to. I don’t usually go out to eat that often…really I don’t. And I don’t have contact with so many friends all in one day. But since I had that good fortune yesterday, I was reminded for the millionth time of just how important our connections to other people are.

Before moving “back home” a few years ago, I was feeling a little anxious. Could I leave my pals in Conway and Myrtle Beach? Plus, I was leaving behind two of my young adult children. The fact that I’d have weekly visits with them didn’t help my angst very much. I was going back to the place where my life began, and yet all had changed. Both parents were deceased, and none of my siblings lived in the area. That’s my sibs and yours truly in the photo above (date is off by six years). High school friends had either left the community  or had “moved on” in other ways.  “Maybe I can join a book club,” I suggested to my husband. “Surely there must be someone there who’s like me.” His reply: “There’s no one like you.” Gotta love the guy!

Anyway, seven years have passed, and although I still miss my children and my old friends, I’ve survived. In fact, in some ways my life is much richer in that I have four grandchildren and dozens of new friends whose faces I hadn’t even imagined when I made the move. Plus, there’ s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about my parents and grandparents and the effect that they had on my life and those of so many others.  I get to see my old friends from time to time too. Just last weekend, I caught up with Dorothea at church in Conway and was excited to hear about her motorcycle and RV. I’m happy that she and Nook still enjoy each other’s company so much and that they’ll be able to see more of the world together. And then there are my cyber friends. Yesterday I learned that Hayden is back in TN and that Barlow has begun blogging again.

I’m reminded of the old song that says something like, “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.” I need them, and I’m feeling extremely blessed to  have so many connections in the past, present, and future. Here’s a quote I borrowed from The Shack, this month’s book club selection: “You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.” Frederick Buechner in Telling the Truth

Tomorrow promises to be a good day too. I get to have lunch with Paul in Columbia who’ll be in Columbia for a conference, and then DH and I are off to Myrtle Beach for dinner with friends and time with his family. Life is good, a fact for which I’m very grateful.

Outbursts and Hissy-fits

Okay, I wasn’t going to jump into the fray, the one about the sense of growing incivility in the United States, but a recent comment from a blogging buddy in Utah has pushed me in. The eyes of the nation are upon us here in South Carolina…and not for the reasons we’d like. Lately we’ve had instances of our elected officials saying and doing embarrassing things. Is it a Southern thing? Is the South racist? That’s what Burl in Utah says many of his acquaintances think.

Where to start? Let’ start at the top with our governor. Not only does he leave the state to fly to South America to visit with his mistress, but he does so without telling anyone where he’s going, not even Jenny. No one. After returning from his trip south, the governor held a press conference in which he rambled pathetically about his woes. Soul mate was used to describe this mysterious Venezuelan beauty, and the lovesick governor said that he was trying to fall back in love with his wife. Huh?  Doesn’t he know when to stop talking? I actually thought that maybe we as a state were getting beyond this scandal until watching a short segment on Jay Leno this week in which he and Seinfeld held an entertaining dialogue about Sanford’s behavior.

Fast forward to last week when Joe Wilson yelled, “You lie!” to the President of the United States before both houses of Congress, before the millions of viewers tuned in to hear Obama’s remarks. Appalled at Wilson’s lack of civility, I thought, “Yet another blow to the Palmetto state’s image.” Earlier this week I read an update on the man who threw shoes at President bush. No one said merely, “Tsk tsk.” No. He served prison time in his own country for insulting the leader of another country.  According to him, punishment was painful and included electric shock.

Back to Burl’s question about whether the outburst was at least partially motivated by racism. I don’t know. I do know that perhaps an Ivy League white person could be resentful of a black man who is extremely intelligent, erudite, smooth, unruffled, sophisticated, and suave.  In fact, as I recall the event, Obama’s cool demeanor was quite a contrast to Wilson’s hot one.

Moving along, I might as well mention Serena Williams and Kanye West.  While both of them acted in childish ways, I’m somehow more inclined to overlook Serena’s explosion, probably because it wasn’t typical of her.  She was having a bad day, and that’s putting it mildly.  Her behavior was unbecoming and as my mother would have pronounced, “uncalled for.” As for Kanye, his deliberate interruption of Taylor Swift’s speech was more than uncalled for. It was extremely rude and bordering on unconscionable.

So at the end of the rambling post, here’s what I think. I think America is the best country in the world to live and work and play and raise children. I also think we’ve forgotten our manners and slipped into serious incivility. We’re so much into freedom of speech and individual rights that we’ve forgotten the golden rule…and the silver one too (don’t do unto others what you wouldn’t want done unto you).

All of the above have apologized for their outbursts, hissy-fits, and behavior. Let’s learn from that and all try to be a little kinder, a little more civil…and to rein in our tempers. Please.

Weekend Getaway to Atlanta

Before yesterday, I’d never tasted citrus rice before. Ummm. It was delicious, especially the small chunks of pineapple. On our way back from Atlanta, some friends and I stopped in Madison, GA for lunch and a bit of antique browsing. We ate at the Chop House, a wonderful diner with sage green walls and huge windows overlooking the tree-lined streets. We opted to sit outside on the Chop House Patio where the ambience was even better. Except for the occasional cigarette smoke wafting over from a nearby table, it was what Van Morrison would call fantabulous. The food, the conversation, the temperature, the gentle breeze, our fellow diners, our server, the white china rimmed in black, a small lizard, and the sight of the surrounding trees beginning to change colors all combined to make it memorable. To add the icing on the cake, Nancy regaled us with hilarious tales of her father during her dating years. It’s always good to laugh and talk with friends.

To backtrack a bit, the four of us went to New York together in May and seemed to get along well (except for that business about leaving me at the Brooklyn Bridge, that is). Just kidding, Lisa.  Anyway, with one trip behind us, we knew that we traveled well together and that we liked many of the same things. Hence, when I learned that Chicago was playing in Atlanta at the fabulous Fox Theatre, I asked it they’d be interested, and they said YES. We asked some other people if they’d like to accompany us, but they all declined. Maybe next time.

 We left Nancy’s around 10:00 a.m. Friday morning, and after a couple of stops along the way, we finally arrived in Atlanta six hours later. Our husbands and families probably won’t be too surprised to learn that we talked pretty much nonstop. As a consequence, we came up with solutions to the nation’s healthcare problems and education issues. We also discussed the economy, SC’s recent embarrassments, and the lack of civility that surrounds and astounds us.  We also talked about more down-to-earth and personal topics, but I’ll never tell. Suffice it to say that we all agree on the importance of family, past and present, and relationships.

Before the play on Friday night, we ate at an Italian restaurant near the theatre where the food was good, but the atmosphere was anything but. The acoustics were horrific, and finally the four of us gave up trying to have any semblance of a conversation. After dinner, we walked down the block to the fabulous Fox where we were greeted by a tall, courtly African American man whose hospitality and Southern charm were contagious. Once inside, we admired the atmosphere and décor, especially the star studded ceiling.

I think I speak for the four of us when I say that the production of Chicago was well worth the price of the ticket. The lead roles played by Velma and Roxie were especially riveting. These women are so talented! While we thought that Jerry Springer did an okay job of playing Billy Flynn, we were disappointed that he didn’t dance more. He just seemed to lack the razzle dazzle of Richard Gere who played that part in the movie version.  The only “fly in the ointment” that evening was the price of souvenirs. I really really really wanted a tee-shirt that said “Not guilty,” but $35 put it out of my price range.

After the musical, we went back to the Georgian Terrace where we had reservations. It’s a lovely hotel with lots of good feng shui, and I especially liked the marble floors and the sound of mellow, jazzy music in the background. Before retiring to our room, we sauntered through the restaurant that had both inside and outside seating. 

Saturday morning, Nancy visited with her son, and Paul and Amanda picked up Lisa, Martha, and me, and we breakfasted together at the Flying Biscuit.   Since I got to break bread with two of the people I love most in the world, this event was especially sweet for me. Our round table was beside an open window (literally no pane) and was painted with stars. Stars and flying biscuits adorned the walls of this unique eatery as well. As we dined, we were treated to close up views of walkers, joggers, and dozens of dogs. It was nice to be in midtown Atlanta with its teeming life and variety. If you ever make it to the Flying Biscuit, be sure to sample the cranberry apple butter. Amanda, Martha, and I highly recommend it. Breakfast complete, Paul drove us to see the Margaret Mitchell house. Since Martha teaches literature and Lisa teaches history, seeing it was a fitting way to end our short but exciting trip to the big City. 

On the road again, our conversation resumed. As mentioned above, we did a lot of talking about our families, especially those ancestors who have influenced us so much. At this stage of my life, I LOVE that stuff, the links from the past to the present and the consideration of  how those links will affect the future. I’d write more about it, but it’s time to do some serious D2L work and some preparation for tomorrow.

Study Hard

Gee whiz. Call me naive, ignorant, misinformed, or uninformed, but I just cannot understand the hoopla about President Obama’s education speech yesterday. I heard it and felt like saying, “Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you for telling the young people of America that education is important AND that it takes a lot of hard work. “ How can the parents of the nation’s children be opposed to that? Don’t they know that education is the ticket to a better life for their little darlings and that it comes with a price?

From teaching Human Growth and Development, I’ve learned that accountability is BIG today. From reading the newspaper and online sources, I’ve learned that most people think that accountability rests with the teachers and administrators, not with the students. To solve these shortcomings and problems, homeschooling, private schools, charter schools, and all kinds of other options have become available. Are they successful? Not always. Not if the parents don’t get involved with the education of their children. Do they check their homework? Take an interest in their courses? Go to parent/teacher conferences?

Last week I read an article in The State by Dr. Steve Millies, a professor at one of SC’s colleges, and I found myself thinking, “You’re so right!” I could identify with his experiences completely. He sometimes asks his students if they think he should be accountable for making sure that they learn, and they always say yes. He then asks them how many completed the reading for the day’s class, and perhaps two or three hands remain up. What a glaring disconnect between what students expect from their teachers and what they are willing to do on their own!  Folks, I see this attitude in my classes every day.

I agree with Dr. Millies in his assertion that we indeed have a problem with public education in America. I also agree that that the problem doesn’t rest solely with the schools and teachers but also with the parents and students.  Turn off the television set and read a book.  Listen to our president. He knows what he’s talking about