Little Decisions, Big Consequences

 Although there are many, many things I could write about today, I’m going to settle for something short but pithy. It’s some insight I picked up about a specific scripture in Sacrament meeting this morning. The speaker was talking about how often the little decisions we make can have a big impact on our lives and on the lives of others. He went on to tell how although we all knew about David’s sins of sleeping with Bathsheba and then sending Uriah, her husband, to the battlefront to be killed, we don’t’ always think of the “little” decision that preceded this.

 However, in 2 Samuel 11:1, we read, “And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth to battle, that David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the children of Ammon, and besieged Rabbah. But David tarried still at Jerusalem.”

Aren’t kings supposed to go into battle with their men? Why did David tarry still at Jerusalem? I don’t know the answer to those questions, but I do know that in the second verse of that chapter, we see David eyeing Bathsheba as she bathes on a nearby rooftop. He finds her beautiful to look upon, and before we know it, he has lain with her and she is “with child.”  David summons Uriah home so that he will lie with Bathsheba, thus hoping to extricate himself from this sticky dilemma by claiming Uriah to be the father of the child. It doesn’t work; Uriah is too noble to “do this thing.”  Consequently, David sends him to the forefront of the battle where he is killed. David then marries Bathsheba.

The sins are pretty big ones, adultery and murder, and this morning’s speaker made me wonder if they would have occurred had David gone off to battle instead of sending Uriah and others while he tarried.  A small decision had major consequences for several people’s lives, including innocent ones.

Here’s what really got me this morning. Almost as an afterthought, the speaker said (paraphrase), “Don’t send your family off to fight the battle without you. Don’t send them to church while you tarry at home.” Wow. That seemed profound to me.  I looked around at all of the people sitting without spouses and all of the children sitting with just one parent and wondered if the spouses/parents who sent them realize the big and long lasting ramifications of that decision.

A World Gone Mad

Has the world gone mad? That’s a question I find myself asking DH a lot lately. He’s used to it by now and knows that there’s no easy answer. He probably thinks that I read the “wrong” things and that I think too much. Is that possible? I don’t know. Below, in no particular order, are some things that are stressing me out today.

I’m not going to go into a long diatribe about Octomom today, but I’m still wondering how a single welfare mother of 14 children can take care of all of the physical, emotional, social, and financial needs of her family. A person’s thinking has got to be somewhat “twisted” to even consider bringing another child into the world when you already have six that you aren’t able to provide for, without assistance from the government, that is. It also strikes me as funny that she’s decided to pursue a Master’s degree in counseling. Counseling. Wonder who her clients will be and what kind of help she will provide.

Also on my list are the employees at Clemson and USC who have received big bonuses and raises while those on the lower echelons have not. To add insult to injury, tuition has soared, supposedly because of “costs.” Costs of what? The raises and bonuses of a select few? While I’m on the subject, why does a college education cost more in SC than in any other southern state?

Moving along, I read a great editorial last week about the legislators in SC who can draw pensions that are nearly 50 percent more than their salary for the rest of their lives. On the other hand, state employees who retire after 30 years of service can expect to receive a pension equal to 43 percent of their former salaries. Huh?? 

Then there’s the guy (Madoff) who bilked people out of millions of dollars, leaving many of them penniless, who is still considering how to keep his family fortune solvent.  He’s deeply sorry for the pain he’s caused. Hmmm. He’s 70, so maybe he can spend the rest of his life in prison pondering just how severely his actions have hurt others.

A couple of weeks ago, a child in Sumter died of starvation. He was 18 months old and weighed nearly nine pounds.  I saw a photo of his parents in the newspaper and couldn’t help but notice that his mother had a weave in her beautifully coiffed hair.  When my grandson was born a month ago, he weighed in at 9 lbs. and 9 oz., big in terms of a newborn, pathetically small for an 18 month old.

While some children are starving, America also has a huge (pun intended) problem with obesity. According to Feldman in Development across the Lifespan, 15% of American children are obese, a rate that has tripled since the 1960s.

Lest we forget, there’s Darfur. No, I can’t go there today. I find my throat closing up just thinking about the horror of life there.

Should I mention the AIG “issue” or let it pass for today? Think I’ll wait on that one until after I see what happens in Washington this morning.

I can’t resist mentioning that some folks are gravely concerned that Michelle Obama has been baring her arms in public. “It’s simply not done,” they exclaim. Well, apparently it IS done. She’s the first lady and she can go sleeveless wherever and whenever she pleases.  Quite frankly, I’d probably follow her lead if I had arms like hers. But I digress. What I want to know is why people zero in on something like her arms when people are being slaughtered in Darfur, bilked out of the fortunes by preying vultures, and starved by their own parents?

Is it just me, or has the world gone mad? Has it always been this way, or am I just awakening to the vileness of some of my fellow humans?

Actions Speak Louder

I heard a couple of great talks at church Sunday, and I’ve been thinking about them off and on ever since. From reading blogs this week, it seems that the speakers, many sister bloggers, and I are all thinking along the same lines: We all need to do more to help our fellowman. It’s important all the time, but there’s something about our current economic situation that makes it seem even more imperative. Carl gave $20 to someone in the grocery store, and Hayden is filling and giving away backpacks to the homeless. In our ward, the Relief Society is collecting toothpaste and toothbrushes to help fill 72-hour kits for those less fortunate. What are you doing? Yes, you.

Time prohibits me from going into everything that was mentioned in the two talks that impressed me so much, Carol’s and Travis’s, so I’ll give the brief version. Carol included remarks from two of Elder Bednar’s recent conference addresses, both of which were about prayer. She emphasized the “pray AND act” aspects of the process.  When you pray for the missionary program around the world, does it stop there, or do you ACT to assist in the missionary effort? It’s not as hard as it seems; you could contribute to the missionary fund, sign up to feed the missionaries, write missionaries serving from your home ward, or perhaps help the missionaries find someone to teach.

When we pray for the sick and afflicted, the poor and the needy, is that where it ends, or do we actually DO something to help these people? When we pray for a sound, loving marriage, is that where the effort end, or do we get up off of our knees and actively strive to do things for our spouse? It’s the same with our children, our friends, and our parents; we want healthy relationships, but we’re not always willing to sacrifice time, thought, effort, and even money to make it happen.

Travis reminded us that we’re all brothers and sisters and that our obligations extend toward the human family and not just those within the walls of our home. Yes, of course, family comes first, but when what we have is “enough,” perhaps we can consider extending ourselves a bit beyond the immediate family. Regardless of skin color, checking account, profession, address, language, social status, religion, appearance, or hygiene, these people share the same Heavenly Father, and we’re  expected to help them.  

This is getting a bit lengthy, but I just have to include a phrase that I picked up years ago around the Christmas holiday season: the seasonal belch of philanthropy. For a short few weeks toward the end of the year, even Scrooges are more generous, but it doesn’t last very long.  The soup kitchen volunteers and the Salvation Army bell ringers are often right back into their “real lives” by January. I’m not being judgmental here. After all, I’m like that too.

However, starting Sunday, I’m making a conscious and ongoing effort to do something good for someone every single day. So far, what I’ve done is minimal, but I’m truly and sincerely on the lookout for ways to help a sister or brother along the way. Will you join me?

 

 

 

Nadya’s Babies

I don’t understand Octomom. I really don’t. How in the name of heaven does she think that one person can take care of eight infants and six other children without a job, a home, a husband (or helpmate), or any means of stable support? 

My daughter Carrie has four children ranging in age from three weeks to nearly 5 years old, and she is busy from sunup to sundown…and in-between those times too. She and her husband are excellent, caring parents who take their parenting responsibilities seriously, and both will tell you that it’s hard, hard work. Between food preparation, story time, daily baths, laundry, ball practice, dance lessons, and breastfeeding the newborn, Carrie is s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d to the max. How can Ms. Suleman feed eight at the same time? And while she’s feeding them, who will be taking care of the other six children?

And speaking of feeding the children, how will she manage this with no job? Formula, diapers, wipes, car seats, clothing, bottles, blankets and all of the other paraphernalia that go along with babies are quite expensive. Where will she and the children stay when they leave the hospital? Admittedly, I haven’t kept up with this situation, but the last time I read about it, she was living in one of her mother’s rental homes that was nearing foreclosure. Is this where Ms. Suleman will take the children when they go “home from the hospital?” I shudder to think about their tiny bodies and psyches and what might lie ahead for them.

Back to the money issue, my son-in-law’s insurance didn’t cover all of the doctor and hospital costs, so Rich and Carrie ended up being responsible for $2500.00 out of their own pocket. They’ve been budgeting very carefully and hope to have this obligation behind them this month. Who’s paying for the extended care of the octuplets? I can’t even imagine the staggering cost of their intensive, round-the-clock care. Though I’m ignorant about such things, I’m guessing that the state of California is footing the bill. I’m also thinking that there may be some special needs among the octuplets that will require $$$.

Octomom says she plans to go to graduate school to earn a Master’s degree in counseling. I was incredulous when I heard this. Who in the world will be minding her 14 children while she sits in class? How will she have time to study, conduct research, and write papers? I teach adults, many of whom are young mothers. Believe me when I say that they struggle just to be in class on time. Heck, between ear infections and stomach viruses, sometimes they struggle to attend period. Then, there’s the cost of tuition and books to consider.

Ms. Suleman says she missed having siblings when she was a child. Poor baby. Does she honestly think that these 14 children are going to feel happy, loved, and valued? I can’t see it. I see rivalry, tons of it. Neglect too. Saturday, my 23-month-old granddaughter was lying on her father’s chest enjoying a special moment with her dad who had been gone much of the week. Her four-year-old sister came into the room and began talking to her father, and Emma actually became downright hostile. How dare Brooke talk to “her daddy?”  And this is a family in which there are only four children, all of whom get plenty of TLC from two parents.

In my opinion, these precious children deserve better. There are surely couples who would willingly adopt and provide love, nurturance, and stability to each of them. It’s my hope, no, it’s my prayer, that this young woman will love her babies enough to grant them a better life.

Love, Sweet Love

 I’ve always been fascinated by how couples meet and fall in love. To learn more about this marvelous and mysterious process, I posted a 750-word contest on my website in February. The instructions were simple: Tell me how you met and knew that he (or she) was the ONE.

Was it a chance meeting, a coincidence in which you both happened to be in the same place at the same time? Was it a blind date set up by well-meaning friends? Did something click right away, or did it take a while for love to bloom? Was it her laugh, his smile, her walk, or just what? Were you 16 or 60 when love waltzed in?

  My favorite entry was submitted by a former school teacher who now runs her own business from home AND effectively leads (with her loving husband) a busy, blended family. She gave just enough of a “back story” to reel the reader in before telling of how she felt so calm and at ease on their first date that she didn’t need the Tums or Alka Seltzers that she had stashed in her purse. Before long, their children met, and according to Christy, “It was a mesmerizing time – it was like we had always been together. Everything worked, clicked. Like a fine tuned instrument in the hands of a master musician, our families, our hearts, seemed to harmonize perfectly and the music we made was nothing short of breathtaking.”

  Months passed, and Travis popped the question in a most creative and unique way. There’s no way I could do the proposal justice, so why not read it for yourself at www.jaynebowers.com? That was years ago. Today Travis and Christy Peake are happier than ever, and she closes her entry with, “Some people say that a marriage is work, and I agree, but the love, it should be easy. Love came easy to us, almost effortlessly. Simple, sweet love.” Ah, love it!

 P.S. Here’s a link to Christy’s business. Anyone anywhere with a child in his or her life will find something here: http://boutiquelulubelle.com/

 

 

 

Stress Management

I spent several days last week with my daughter Carrie and her family. With a newborn and three other active children ranging in age from 23 months to 5 years, she needed a little assistance from good old mom. It was fun…and hard too. I’d forgotten about the never ending mounds of laundry, the meal preparation and clean up, bath time, story time, prayers, squabbling between siblings, toys, noise, and so forth. I was busy from dawn to dusk, and I loved every moment of it. Toward the end of the week, I could sense a change in Carrie’s mood as she began thinking about this week and its myriad of challenges. This week she’s handling hearth and home alone. Rich is in Atlanta for a week of training, and Carrie’s calendar is full of events ranging from baseball practice and dance lessons to hair cut appointments and doctor visits.

So we had a little chat before I left, and I told her that she could do anything for a little while, anything. If a week were too big of a chunk to handle mentally or emotionally, then she was to think in terms of a day at a time. Anyone can get through 24 hours, right? If that was too much, then she was to think of a morning, an hour, a 15-minute increment. She was to “endure to the end” and to keep reminding herself that she had whatever it took to get the job done…one day at a time.

I also told her that one of the secrets to having a happy life is to learn how to savor small pockets of joy, moments of fun and “good stuff.” She and I went to Wal-Mart and Lowe’s for a couple of hours while Rich kept the children, and we thoroughly enjoyed browsing and selecting different items. A bargain shopper like her mother, Carrie found several Valentine items on sale. “Just think,” I told her. “You’ll be able to do this again…and again and again. Plus, there’ll be other fun things you’ll get to do. Just remember that whenever you feel confined and limited. In the meantime, just remember today and some of the other high moments of your life.”

This is the interesting part. Last night I was experiencing a bout of insomnia, and my thoughts raced from my eight classes and “advisement” responsibilities to  income taxes and  a week chocked full of  activities. I lay there thinking of how sick I felt from the cold I picked up from my grandson, the letters of recommendation I promised to write, the bills I needed to pay, the dirty laundry from my trip, and the fact that I needed to get gas on the way to work the next morning. Before I knew it, my autonomic nervous system had kicked in, and my mind was in overdrive.

 I found myself thinking of Carrie and the advice I’d given her about taking things one day at a time…perhaps even an hour at a time. I remembered the “endure to the end” part even if the end happened to be one morning or one doctor’s appointment. I then recalled telling her how tough she was and that I KNEW she could make it alone through the week. That’s about the time that I realized I needed to take my own advice. If my daughter can endure to the end, so can I. If she’s tough, so am I.

Then there’s the part about looking at the fun, high times. I’ve had quite a few and hope to have quite a few more. Life’s a lot more than work and stress and bills, and as I lay there thinking of some of the moments of sheer joy and pleasure last night, my mind finally relaxed enough to let me drift off back to sleep. 

What about you? Have you ever found yourself stretched and stressed to the  max? Do you have a particular strategy that you use? Have you tried the “this too shall pass” motto? Do you use a moment-by-moment approach when dealing with discomfort or sadness? Do you try to find joy in the little things? What’s your stress management strategy?