Madonna and Others

I’m the old fashioned type of gal who still reads the newspaper; there’s just something I like about actually holding it, clipping out relevant articles to share with someone, and folding it a certain way to highlight an article. Sure, sometimes I’ll read the news on the internet or catch a glimpse of the latest happenings on the boob tube, but reading The State is still a favorite pastime.

Early this morning I finally got around to reading yesterday’s paper, and there are three topics in Section A that I want to throw in my two cents’ worth about (sure hope there are no English teachers reading the end of that sentence).

Apparently 50-year-old Madonna knocked ‘em dead in Wales where she performed as part of her “Sticky and Sweet” tour.  I like Madonna.  Did you know that she has a tested IQ of 140? It’s true. That tells me that her linguistic and mathematical/logical  aptitude is at the genius level.  So are some other “intelligences” such as musical, bodily-kinesthetic, and intrapersonal, all types of intelligence according to psychologist Howard Gardner.  HOWEVER, being smart and extremely talented and well-known does not mean that she is politically savvy. At this particular show, a video interlude carried images of destruction, global warming, Adolf Hitler, and John McCain. A later sequence pictured John Lennon, Al Gore, Mahatma Gandhi, and Barack Obama. Again, I like Madonna and have sort of a grudging respect for her abilities and gutsiness. At the same time, I’d just as soon that she stick with the fishnets and sequins and leave the political potshots out of her repertoire.

I skimmed a brief article about a couple accused of trying to barter their child for an apartment, used car, and child care for their 10-month-old daughter. Incidentally, the bartering was related to sexual favors. My only comment is: “I feel sick.”

USC made the front page with articles about the new president and “bid day” for sororities respectively. The president, unhappy about the progress of the Innovista research campus, is quoted as saying, “But a crisis is the perfect time to move forward. A crisis is a terrible thing to waste.” Well said, Dr. Pastides, and a good reminder for any and everyone experiencing a crisis in their lives. Use it to your advantage rather than bemoan its occurrence. I know from experience that when you’re smack dab in the middle of an unfortunate or painful predicament, it’s difficult to think that way, but still….I’m just sayin’.

There was a lot of other blogging fodder there, but time and W-O-R-K (the kind I get paid for) prevent further posts for today.

Weekend Insight

Busy weekend…and one worth writing about. My former mother-in-law and I traveled to Atlanta over the weekend to visit my son (her grandson) and his wife. They moved there July 31^st so that Paul could attend graduate school, and since Amanda’s parents took on the task of helping them move, I stayed out of the way until the coast was clear, so to speak. I figured they’d probably like a couple of weeks of being alone together in their new environment before more family pounced on them. Still, enough is enough, and I couldn’t wait a day longer to see their apartment and their environs. It’s a Mom thing.

 

If anyone with a son is out there reading this, you can appreciate the scanty information I’ve received from Paul since they’ve lived in GA. One day on the phone, I asked what he’d been up to, and he said, “Not much.” Determined to learn more, I said something like, “Okay, well what I really want to know if you’ve laughed some this week, learned something new, seen something you’ve never seen, discovered something about married life, or tasted a new food. Just give me something, Bud. Have you experienced any of that stuff?” His answer, “Yes, a little of all of it.” He’s such a…a guy! Bottom line: I had to see him, Amanda, and their new digs for myself so off we went.

 

We finally arrived in the early afternoon, and after lunch, they took us on a tour of the vicinity around their apartment, a tour that included the Atlanta temple, several shopping areas, Argosy University, some of the hugest McMansions I’ve ever seen (where do people get that kind of $$$?), and several hospitals and businesses. The area is beautiful, plentiful with hills and trees and tons of atmosphere. We shopped a little, ate dinner, and made a round through Target before going home to look at DVDs and talk. The next morning we attended church together before bidding farewell to the lovebirds, and as we drove out of the parking lot, I took one last look at the two of them with their arms around each other and KNEW that they were going to be just fine.

 

The point of this post is not to deluge the reader with the fine details of the weekend but rather to remind her or him of the most important force in the entire world: LOVE. Though it sounds a bit trite, people and our connections and relationships with them are more important than anything money can buy.

 

All of us are in the dead center of a net of relationships with others, both past and present. When people in Atlanta meet Paul and Amanda, they see the two of them. Yet these two young people, just like all the rest of us, have parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, friends, former co-workers, and others who love them very much. But when you see either of them, you don’t see those other invisible yet caring people. It’s the same with you…and with me too.

 

That network has helped to bring us to where we are now and will continue to sustain and support us. I’m not going to get to carried away here (duty calls), but I’ve thought many times of my parents and grandparents and even great grandparents and how they continue to influence and affect me. Lately I’ve begun thinking of people I haven’t met yet, like future grandchildren, who will also be part of the net. As far as that goes, I’m also part of an iFamily net; so are you.

 

Love is the key to everything, the force that keeps us sane and courageous and warm, and as my sweet mama used to say, “People are more important than things.”

The Good Life

I’ve been feeling a little burned out this week, charred to a crisp. Yesterday I told DH that I felt like my brain was smoking. The new semester begins Monday, and I have eight (yes eight) classes to teach this semester. Two are for another community/technical college, and four of the total are online courses, but STILL. It’s a lot of work, and the preplanning and preparation are time consuming. While technology adds many dimensions and possibilities to the learning process, it can also get a little overwhelming. Back in the day, we’d show up on the first day of class, give out the course syllabus, go through a programmed spiel, and call it a day. Now we have resource pages available to the students 24/7 that contain discussion boards, unit tests, power point presentations, links to supplemental sources, and so forth.

Although I’m feeling a bit stressed and haggard tonight, I feel upbeat too. Why? Because I love what I do and the people I get to do it with. I work with some of the best people on the planet, and it blows my mind (yes, I know that’s probably an archaic expression to some of the younger set) to think that I didn’t know even one of them six years ago when I moved from the coast to the midlands of SC. There’s Martha and her outrageous sense of humor, Carol and her bossy mother-hen qualities, and Nancy with her perfect manners and sense of style While all of these gals happen to be around my age, I’ve also become chums with many young women…men too. There’s just not time to write about all of them tonight. Besides, my brain is still smoking from earlier efforts.

I’ve met dozens and dozens of people outside of work too, primarily at church. Then there are my blog friends who are magically in my computer every time I log on. At odd times, I find myself thinking of them and wondering what they’re up to. Sometimes when I’m out shopping, I’ll look at the other folks and wonder if they too have iFriends or perhaps what Hayden refers to as an iFamily.

So what’s the major theme of this post? Hmmm. Not sure. It could be simply that despite stress and a killer of work week, life is good…very good. Having friends adds the icing on the cake. I’m also thinking that perhaps all of us need to think of all those strangers out there as potential friends, especially when you consider the richness that even one good one brings into your life.

Speaking of the richness of relationships, my former mother-in-law and I are traveling to Atlanta to spend the rest of the weekend with Paul and Amanda. At one time I never imagined such a trip would be possible, but it seems that she and I have found harmony again, and I’ll be picking her up at 8:00 in my spiffy red Highlander. I’m looking forward to taking her to see one of her grandsons and his bride.

Ah, I know the theme of this post now: love and work. Supposedly someone once asked Sigmund Freud the cornerstones of a happy life, and that was his response. Love and work–people to love and care about (and vice versa) and something productive to

Love is Work

I was thinking earlier that it seems like most (or many) of my posts are religious in nature, and I’m beginning to wonder if I come across as a prude or a “Miss Goody Two Shoes” in some of them. I sure hope not because I am sincerely just a regular person who struggles with challenges and temptations every day of her life.

That said, I  have yet another post that has a religious theme. It’s about a flash of insight I had Sunday. DH was gazing out of the living room window in anticipation of a visit from his son Chris, and we began a discussion about how we’d like for our children (his four, my three, our seven) to visit us in our home more often. We got a little carried away and started talking about the juxtaposition of all we’ve done for them compared to the “payback” we get. We don’t want much…just a little visit now and then and regular emails, texts, and phone calls. And yes, regular is a relative term. Some adult children speak with their children several times a day while others might check in once a week at most.

Anyway, it occurred to me that our Heavenly Father might long for the same thing, a visit to His house. I know that our homes, the beach, and golf courses can be holy places, but they aren’t “His house,” the place where believers gather together to worship Him.  Is not attending church the same as not visiting parents? Is it similar, or am I going overboard here? Also, when DH and I were discussing ingratitude and feeling unappreciated and pushed to the side, I couldn’t help but wonder if He feels the same way. If so, I think it probably annoys Him to be so taken for granted, especially since He gave us the greatest gift of all, life itself.

It also occurred to me that it’s so easy to say, “I love you,” but it’s sometimes difficult to put the words into action. Lip service is easy. Walking the talk is not. Every time my children and I end a phone conversation, we always say, “I love you.” Putting that into action takes more effort. We all try to show affection. DH does too. He doesn’t just spout off empty words; he earnestly does things that show his love, things like buying trail mix because I like it so much, painting the front door a lovely calico green color although he’d prefer it plain old white, and cutting his mother’s shrubbery after a long day at work. There are countless examples of people I know who feel and show their love. I’ve recently read of several such examples on Hayden’s and Connie’s blogs.

But what about love of God? Is it easier to say it than to show it? Is it easier to take the path of least resistance and sleep in on Sunday morning…or let someone else teach the class so that you can go on a excursion?  Love is work. It takes effort, and I don’t think there are any exceptions to this. Just in case anyone is wondering, this lecture is directly towards yours truly who is always slipping and sliding.

This post is getting a little rambling so I’ll bring it to a close. The bottom line is that if we love God and appreciate the many things He’s done for us, we’ll show it. We can do this by visiting in His House, showing love for our fellow man (and our sistahs), and expressing gratitude for our multitudinous blessings.

Francie’s Genes

We had book club at my house last week, and the book under discussion was A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. It’s a semi-autographical book that gives a glimpse of what life was like in the early part of the 20^th century in the bustling area of Brooklyn. The poverty that the Nolans endure permeates the book, but there are high points and memorable characters (like Aunt Sissy) as well. It’s a coming of age book about young Francie, but other themes such as hard work, gender issues, the American dream, love, class divisions, hope, and the importance of education are there too.

As is our usual practice, we each discussed our favorite or most memorable part of the book, and mine was about the unique “mix” that Francie was. Indeed, we’re all like her in that we’re all unique combinations of our heredity, environment, and that special X factor. In a rather lengthy paragraph that begins with, “And the child, Francie Nolan, was of all the Rommelys and all the Nolans,” the author proceeds to pinpoint many of Francie’s traits and state where they came from. For instance, she got her tale-telling and compassion for the weak from her grandmother Rommely and the talent for mimicking from Aunt Evy.

 

Haven’t you ever wondered where you got your curly hair or your propensity for math? And what about your shyness? Is it hereditary? Look at the recent feats of Michael Phelps and consider his genetic endowment. Several commentators have mentioned his long torso, short (relatively speaking) legs, and wide arm span, all physical attributes that aid in his swimming prowess. Couple those traits with his strong drive to achieve and his hour after hour after hour practice, and you have the making of a champion. And yet, is there something else too? Something else about Michael Phelps, Francie Nolan, and you??

 

Further describing Francie, the author  states,  “She was all of these things and of something more that did not come from the Rommelys nor the Nolans, the reading, the observing, the living from day to day. It was something that had been born into her and her only—the something different from anyone else in the two families. It was what God or whatever is His equivalent puts into each soul that is given life—the one different thing such as that which makes no two fingerprints on the face of the earth alike.’

You’ve gotta love that!

Attention or Power?

About 30 years ago, I was sitting in a class one evening listening to the professor drone on and on and on when suddenly something he said pierced my consciousness like a laser. I had been halfway listening to him and halfway thinking of what lay ahead of me at home.

I had a precious toddler who was fiercely opposed to going to sleep at night. My friends all had children who, according to them, went peacefully to sleep with a good night kiss and a short story. Not Carrie. We had a ritual to end all rituals, and it was growing longer by the night. I read stories, sang songs, took her to the bathroom, read another story, sang another song, kissed her good night, and left the room. It was tough to do walk out because her little arms were always outstretched for me to come back. By the time I made it to the kitchen where there were still dishes to be washed or clothes to be folded, I’d hear her crying. Her dad would say something like, “Let her cry. She’s fine,” and I knew he was right. Still. I couldn’t stand to hear her wails (yes, it got progressively worse), and I’d eventually go back to her room for yet another story or song.

Here’s a parphrase of what this esteemed professor said, words that changed my life:  “Most people, including children, misbehave for a couple of reasons, attention or power. You know it’s an attention issue if it makes you feel a little annoyed or irritated. Attention issues are easy to take care of. Just give the person a little attention. Read her a book, give him a hug, or watch a program with him. On the other hand, power or control issues are different. They make you feel angry and sometimes a little powerless. The other person wants to be the boss, and you want to be the boss too. That can’t happen. What you need to do is withdraw from the conflict. I don’t mean give in because that’d be a lose/win situation. What you say is something like, ‘I’m not going to fight about this (bedtime, home rules, work policies, etc.). This is the way it’s going to be, and that’s it.”

I realize this short discussion is just that: short. It by no means covers all of the complexities of human behavior (or misbehavior). Nor does it address all of the situations in which people can be involved. At the same time, it has helped me in situations too many to recall. 30 years ago this precious toddler was in control, and I was too blind to see it! When she became a beautiful teenager, we’d be embroiled in a shouting match about curfews or grades when it would hit me: She still wants to be the boss. Withdraw from the conflict. Don’t fight about this. Who’s the parent anyway????

Why is this on my mind this morning? Because someone near and dear to me has been involved in an ongoing “power struggle,” and as we talked last night, my lesson from the past came to mind, and I shared it with Elizabeth. Then this morning I came across this passage from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie that is perfect: “Are we somehow trying to control or influence the other person? We cannot change the other person, but we can stop playing our part of the game. One good way to do this is by detaching and letting go of any need to control.”

What about you? Are there scenarios in your life that involve any difficult people? Can you tell whether they are attention or control motives at play? If so, does the above make sense to you and seem like something you could apply in your life? Do you think that giving attention when needed and withdrawing from the conflict when necessary are workable suggestions?

Sharpen the Saw

This morning I was thinking of one of my favorite writers, Stephen Covey, and some of his words of wisdom from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Although it’s been at least ten years since I read it, I still think of many of the concepts daily. Today I thinking of the importance of Habit 7, Sharpen the Saw.

I don’t have the book in front of me this morning so I might not say this exactly like Dr. Covey did, but the idea he expressed was that we all have four areas of our lives (or of our selves) that need attention on a regular basis. These dimensions are physical, mental, spiritual, and social/emotional, and taking time for each of them is a way of investing in ourselves and our effectiveness. I recall reading this idea a decade or so ago and thinking, “Huh, that’s so true.” Still today, if I neglect any of the areas for very long, I begin to feel icky, out-of-sorts, stressed-out, or sick.

Time prohibits a lengthy discussion of each, so I’m concentrating on one at a time, and today it’s the physical dimension. About 25 years ago, I put on some running shoes (they were bright orange) and haven’t stopped pounding the pavement since. I’ve slowed down, yes, but I still make the effort to walk and sometimes jog a minimum of five days a week, come rain or come shine (so to speak). If I don’t, I get that lethargic, lazy, stagnant sort of feeling. When I do, I feel healthy and energized. Walking even improves my mood and my thinking; I feel peppier, think more clearly, and am a much more pleasant person to be around. Just ask DH. Whenever I act a little sulky or down, he will invariably ask, “Have you been walking yet?”

There are dozens of other benefits to walking. For starters, it increases longevity and decreases the changes of cancer, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and other diseases. As a woman, osteoporosis is a little scary, and yet walking, dancing, mowing the lawn, and bowling are among the types of exercise that can lessen the effects. There are also mental and spiritual benefits. Don’t take my word for it; do what I did and Google “benefits of walking.”  In my Human Growth and Development classes, exercise is cited in chapter after chapter (beginning in childhood) as being instrumental in maintaining health and weight control. After a while, students often begin referring to it as the “E word” because it’s mentioned so often.

I think Dr. Covey probably includes proper diet and stress management in the physical arena, but those are topics for another day…or topics for you to pick up on. I don’t want this post to go and on and on. I just want you to lace up your shoes and get going. All you need to walk is a decent pair of shoes and a safe place to walk. No fancy equipment or expensive memberships are required.

You get to commune with Mother Nature, keep those synapses sharp, strengthen your bones, improve your digestion, burn calories, strengthen your heart, and increase longevity. What have you got to lose?? Hey, maybe I’ll see you at the track!

Just Do It!

No original thoughts from me in this post but rather a nudge to be brave and do one thing each day that scares you, an idea from the Dare Project. You’ll find the link in the sidebar of the blog. The person who started the project did so because she spied Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote on a greeting card one day, and the idea wouldn’t leave her alone. Why not click on the  project and read the “rules” for yourself and get started?

 

Some of you might be tired of hearing my stories, and if that’s the case, stop now. However, this is a GREAT story about an awakening…not of mine but of someone I read about in a story, a true one. The young woman involved in this real life story was allergic to peanuts in any form or fashion and avoided them completely. One night, however, she was in a restauant dining with friends when she unknowingly ate some peanut oil in some salad dressing. Later that evening, she was awakened with violent spasms of pain and was barely able to drag herself to the door and outside to the landing of her apartment complex. A neighbor heard her pleas for help and arranged for her to be taken to a hospital. Good thing too because she (the one with the allergy) was literally “out of it” for days. In her opinion, she died. If I recall correctly, the experience wasn’t all that bad either.

 

Anyway, she woke up feeling weak and depleted, but as the days passed, her spirit became stronger and stronger until she realized that she had more confidence and self-esteem than ever before. She found herself flirting with men when before her incident, she would shyly look away if she felt anyone was looking at her. At meetings, she began to speak up, even interrupting at times) and voice her opinion. Prior to eating the peanutty dressing, she never opened her mouth even though she felt she had some good ideas and insights.

 

This is the part that got me. I’m paraphrasing because it’s been a number of years since I read this article, but the gist of her comment was, “Hey, I’ve already died once and survived. What’s the worse thing that can happen to me after that? I survived death, and I can survive anything life dishes out.”

 

I remember reading that and thinking that I sure didn’t want to die before I started living this glorious life. What about you? Let’s all click the link of the Dare Project and dare to do something that scares us…and let’s share what we do.

Discovering Augusta

I wonder if it’s as steamy in Augusta today as it was Friday. It was one of the last Fridays I’ll get to enjoy being off for a few weeks, and I couldn’t let the hours slip away doing the usual things like homecaring (sounds better than housework), shopping, running errands, grading assignments, and so forth.

 

DH had already made plans to play golf with some buddies, so the day was mine…eight hours to do exactly whatever I wished and whereever I wished to do it. After a little internet work so assuage my workaholic conscience, I headed to a local beauty shop where a friend of mine was having a book signing. Her name is Clara Vincent, and she’s 79 years young. I LOVE IT! She’s an inspirational lady, and the name of her book is Faces I Remember. Check it out at amazon.com or authorhouse.com. I enjoyed chatting with her and leaving with my own autographed copy of her book. Sure hope I’ll still be writing and having booksignings at 79.

 

As an aside, many years ago Clara told her daughter Kathy, also a friend of mine, something that I’ve always remembered. It’s a simple statement that sums up love, giving, sacrifice, and all the other good things associated with mothers. (Sure hope Hayden is reading this.) “As long as I have a biscuit, you’ve got half.” I liked it so much that I’ve stressed it with my own children and husband.

 

I then headed out for Augusta, a city only a little over 100 miles from where I live, and yet I’ve never visited it. On my to-do list is the commitment to visit at least one new town per month. “Why do you want to go there?” my sweet husband asked. “There’s nothing in Augusta except some golf courses.” What can I say? He’s a guy.  I had fun just browsing in the different antique shops and ended up buying some small juice glasses decorated with yellow palm trees. How unique is that? Have you ever seen any? I didn’t think so.

 

I also found an old framed botanical print of May that looks perfect in my foyer; it serves as a reminder of our May wedding several years ago and the vows we made. In that interesting shop, I also conversed with a lady who’s never turned on a computer; nor has she used the GPS in her Lexus. My assurances that if I could learn, she could learn fell on deaf ears. Leaving with my May print, I sauntered out to find a quick lunch. Choices, choices. I ended up dining at the Blue Moon Café and then walked over for a quick look at the River Walk before heading for the Augusta Mall. I wanted to walk around it, but the blazing sun and excessive heat shouted, “No Way!” Maybe next time.

 

Using my trusty GPS, I drove out to the mall and passed some interesting and scenic places including the Medical University of Georgia, the Veteran’s Hospital, and some lovely tree-lined neighborhoods.  The mall looked inviting, but since time was short, I opted to go in TJ Maxx instead and came out with a few goodies, prizes for my new contest on the website. Puh-leez check it out at www.jaynebowers.com and participate in the contest that ends on August 15. It’ll be fun for you and me. You get to reflect on the topic and write about it, and I get to read your entry.

 

Shopping complete, I punched “Home” on the GPS and headed east. Sure wish the lady in the antique store and all others who don’t have or use such a marvelous piece of technology will consider getting one. We love Jill, the name of our direction giver. Home at last, DH and I watched The Kite Runner. It was enjoyable but unsettling. We’re so fortunate to be living in the United States (understatement)!

 

Sometimes it’s easier to take the path of least resistance and stay in your own safe but narrow environment, but we all need to venture out and see what’s out there. Because of that decision, Friday I got to “rub shoulders” with a new author, meet someone who’s never used the internet or a GPS, walk the streets of a beautiful city with a great downtown parking arrangement, see sights I’d never seen, buy some unique juice glasses, and get the feel of Augusta.

 

Hmmm. Wonder what’s next. Suggestions anyone?

Happy Birthday Carrie!

 

Today is the birthday of my oldest child, Janna Caroline. 5’3”, eyes of blue, a dark cloud of lustrous, shiny hair framing her pretty face, she’s a young woman with many gifts.

 

Always perceptive even as a small child, Carrie has the ability to size up a person within a few minutes. I’m not talking about being judgmental but rather about getting a sense of the person’s personality and “spirit.” Can the person be trusted? Is he a bad guy…or gal? If you ever meet her and feel those pretty blues staring at you, watch out; she’s trying to “get your number.” At this moment, I’m looking at a pencil sketch of Carrie, Elizabeth, and me that hangs in my dining room. Carrie was 3 years old. I recall remarking to the woman who drew it that she looked so intense, and the artist declared, “That’s because she is.”

 

Carrie has a great personality, too. Extroverted and generally upbeat and smiling, she’s been a talker and charmer since Day 1. I recall many times on the beach when she’d wave to passers-by and then look at me with puzzlement if the strand walker didn’t wave  back. At that time in her young life, it didn’t occur to her that perhaps the person hadn’t seen her. If Carrie saw him or her, she figured the person saw her. Piaget would describe that charming attribute as childhood egocentrism, not because she was stuck on herself but because she was unable to see things from another’s perspective. But I digress.

 

Here’s another example of her charm and friendliness. When she was 5 years old, the principal of her preschool stopped me one afternoon and said, “The best thing you can do for your little girl is to teach her that you need more than  a pretty smile to get through life.” Thank you very much, Mrs. McBride, for your unsolicited advice!! Actually, smiling can give you a good start and open a lot of doors. Plus,a smile is sort of a universal language that’s understood everywhere. Of  course, there are many different types of smiles, but that’s the topic for another day.

 

Carrie’s always been able to think through things, determine exactly what she wanted, and then go for it. After graduating from CCU, she moved to Georgetown and then on to Charleston. Why? Because of the adventure and because she had decided it was time to get married. She wasn’t going to settle for anything less than the best, and to her the best was an LDS young man with values like her own. In Charleston, there was a much better chance to find Prince Charming than in G’town. I’ve always thought it interesting that she and Rich moved to the same area at the same time. She met him at church one summer evening about nine years ago, and well, the rest is history.

 

 

Now the mother of Spencer, Braden, Brooke, and Emma, Carrie’s days are pretty full. She’s a loving wife and mother, faithful friend, gourmet cook, techno-savvy creator of DVDs, photographer, scrapbooker, teacher, dancer, homemaker, party planner, and decorator. You should see her apple green kitchen walls—very inspiring.

 

Happy Birthday, Carumba! I hope Rich and the cuties treat you like the queen you are from dawn to dusk…and always! If only Mrs. M. could see you now.