Nourishment in Myrtle Beach

 

When I was a younger mother and had to miss church for some reason or another (sick child, traveling, etc.), I’d often lament aloud that I hated not going. My mother often said, “The church is not going to fall down without you if you miss today, Darling.” I knew that. What I was afraid of is that I would fall down without it. I still feel that way. I need spiritual nourishment just like I need physical sustenance.

 I spent part of the weekend in Myrtle Beach, and this morning was just as busy as the rest of the weekend. When I looked at the clock and realized that I only had 50 minutes to shower, dress, and drive to the chapel, I thought, “Hmmm. Maybe Elizabeth and I can just stay here and watch church on television. Or maybe there’s a local church that I can visit today.” But no, I decided to hustle so that I could be edified and uplifted among some of the people I love.

 I wasn’t disappointed. In fact, the experience was a virtual feast. From the time I walked through the side door and passed the Primary room, memories of a bygone era washed over me. In that very room, my three children had learned stories and songs about the gospel of Jesus Christ, and I had served as a counselor in the organization. With a lump in my throat, I continued towards the chapel itself and found it full to capacity. While I was wondering where to sit, Sam, a friend from that earlier era, jumped up and pointed me to an empty seat by Teresa, another old friend.

 Everything about the meeting was memorable, and I especially enjoyed mingling with old friends and talking with some of them afterwards. Carol and Greg are expecting another granddaughter any day, Elder Servin is enjoying working in Myrtle Beach (he was recently in Camden), Eric is looking chipper, Patty is embarking on a new career, and Cora Lee’s little red haired granddaughter is adorable. Tiffany, my daughter-in-law’s sister, gave the opening prayer, and her husband offered the closing one. Afterwards, he joked that it was the only time he’d ever had the last word.

 After talking with Teresa about her college-aged sons, I scooted out the same way I had come in.  By then Primary had begun, and while the “cast of characters” has changed, the message is the same. I’m so thankful for the teachings and guidance that the LDS church gave to me and my children. And I’m also grateful for my fellow and sister saints. No matter where I go or what ward I visit, I know I can count on love and acceptance and unity within the church.  

 In the words of President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Unity is the hallmark of the true church of Christ. It is felt among our people throughout the world. As we are one, we are his.”

Wake-up Call on I-20

My husband’s probably not going to like this, but I’ve decided not to buy any more white bread. He’ll complain that the wheat and rye breads that I plan to purchase don’t taste right or that they’re not soft enough. It doesn’t matter; I’m sticking to my guns this time. For the past several years, I’ve often spouted off the platitude, “The whiter the bread, the sooner you’re dead,” and then I’d go right to Wal-Mart and buy it…for him, not me.

What’s brought about this renewed resolve? Listening to Dr. Ann on NPR.  Because my job requires so much traveling between campuses, I pretty much always have a book on CD to listen to. Today, however, I decided to listen to the radio for a change, and I’m sure glad I did. This doctor was “singing my song.”  When I tuned in, Dr. Ann was talking about the value of exercise. She didn’t have to say too much to sell me on that because I am well aware of the value of exercise.  30 little minutes of moderate exercise per day can do marvelous things for a person’s cardiovascular system.  Heck, it even helps with prevention of osteoporosis.  

Here’s what Dr. Ann said today that both shocked and motivated me. She told of a research study in which young men in their 20’s spent three weeks lying in bed. They didn’t get up and move around at all. They did nothing, nada. At the end of three weeks, doctors determined that their cardiovascular systems had “advanced” 30 years! Amazing! They were able to regain their former level of heart health but not right away. Looks like anyone with half a brain could see that exercise is vital.

Back to the food, Dr. Ann said more than I can remember so I’ll just stick to the few things that I can recall. Stay away from (or consume in moderation) pretty much all white foods like white rice, white bread, and potatoes. Cheese is a culprit in contributing to heart problems too. Eat 2% fat cheese products and acquire a taste for Feta. Eat more yogurt too. Do I even need to talk about red meat? Didn’t think so. She says eggs are good for everyone; however, people with diabetes or high cholesterol shouldn’t eat over five per week. They’re high in protein and are one of the best and least expensive foods around.

Other suggestions include monitoring salt and sugar intake, consuming fats like Canola oil and virgin olive oil, and eating more walnuts. Wheat germ and fish are good too. About the salt, Dr. Ann said that interestingly enough, our own salt shakers aren’t the problem so much as the salt in processed foods…and in fast foods too. Seasonings at the top of the “okay” list are turmeric, ginger, and rosemary. About the sugars, she advised staying away from sugary drinks; herbal tea is good. At the top of her list of healthy foods are fruits and vegetables. We can eat all of those we want.

Tonight I’m going to a birthday celebration, and I’ve heard that the cake is a 16 layer confection with sweet chocolate drizzled between each layer and on the top. It’s going to take disipline, but I’ll be passing on the cake.

A Larger Universe

When my sister Ann called last night, she could tell that I was in a zone somewhere because she said, “What are you doing? You sound funny.”

“Just thinking,” I replied. She chuckled a little and then asked, “About what?”

I told her that I was thinking about blogs and books and teaching and retirement and children and friends and religion. She’s a smart girl, that Annie, and she quickly turned my (our) focus to religious topics. She said that her pastor had begun a study entitled  HABIT, an acronym for five words that the members were to try to incorporate into their lives. The H stands for HANG, as in hanging with God.

To hang with Him really translates to hang out with Him, to find some quiet meditative time each day to better commune with Him. It could be reading and pondering the scriptures or some other inspirational books, or it could be quietly reflecting on the beauties of Mother Nature. Prayer too is a vital part of this hanging out process.

When she had explained the HABIT practice a little more fully, I asked Ann if she remembered that quietude was my word of the year. Not the month, but the entire year of 2010. Yes, she remembered.

“Well,” I said,  “This hanging out concept fits right into my word.”

“Are you going to write about it?” she asked.

“Maybe. Probably. In fact, definitely.”

There’s so much to be said for spending a few minutes at the beginning of each day to get ourselves focused and calmed and ready for whatever the day might bring. My husband used to gently kid me about my obsession for solitude and once asked what he was supposed to say if someone needed to talk to me when I was getting my soul together. “Just tell them that,” I said. I think the idea scared him a little, but he’d be the first to attest to the fact that I’m a much, much happier person to live with if I can just have a little HANG time in the morning.

Back to Ann. As she was whizzing down the highway with her beloved Allen on the way home from Hartsville last night, I read her a quote by Sue Bender from “A Lesson in Prayer” that sums up my feelings on the subject. She liked it, and I hope you will too.

After writing that her day begins as early as 4:30 or 5:00 a.m., Ms. Bender  continues, “I read one page in each of the small inspirational books. The books change, but they are always ones that remind me that I am not alone, that a spirit larger than myself is at work, a universe larger than my immediate self-interest and concerns. For that I am endlessly grateful.”

The 30-Second Rule

While in Myrtle Beach over the weekend, we visited Barnes and Noble. How I love a good bookstore! This one is within walking distance of our little pied-à-terre (using words like this for the benefit of Martha and Jim) at Seagate. I gravitated towards the bargain books and was torn between one with pictures of China, one about feng shui, and one by John Maxwell entitled The Maxwell Daily Reader. DH reminded me that I could always come to the bookstore to look at the China pix and that I already had about a dozen books on feng shui, so I opted for the Maxwell daily reader. By the way, I only have about ten feng shui books, not 12.

Anyway, I want to share the gist of today’s reading concerning the “30-second rule.” Maxwell reminds the reader(s) that we’ve been taught of the importance of good first impressions and that when we first meet others, we try to make ourselves look good. Reverse that process, he advises, and you’ll find this practice rewarding when you realize the positive impact it has on on others.

This does take some time and effort, however. You don’t want to be glib and full of fake flattery. Sincerity is important. Suggestions include thanking someone for something he’s done for you or for a friend or family member, praising someone for an accomplishment, or simply complimenting another on her appearance. It’s not hard, but it does require effort. It also requires that you step out of your comfort zone.

I think one reason I like this way of thinking so much is because I see it ALL THE TIME in the works of great and/or influential people. There must be something to this, right? For instance, each morning Benjamin Franklin reportedly asked himself what he could do for others that day, and in the evening he asked himself what he had actually done. Thomas S. Monson, President of the LDS church, focuses on service to others and encourages members worldwide to do, say, think, act, and live in loving, giving ways.

So what have I done so far today? Absolutely nothing. The day is young, however, and I plan to rectify my narrow-minded and selfish focus soon. In fact, I think I’ll start in my next class…and maybe I’ll donate some money to the humanitarian aid fund of the LDS Church to help the victims of Haiti’s earthquake.  In the short run, I can text “HAITI” to 90999 to donate $10 to American Red Cross relief for Haiti.

First things first. I’m going to post this in hopes that you’ll follow Maxwell’s, Franklin’s, and Monson’s advice. Then I’m going out in the hall and pay someone a compliment.

Monday Morning Memories

We’re heading home after lunch, and I haven’t actually seen the ocean yet. I’ve felt its presence, but that’s not the same as seeing it. Elizabeth and I rode down the boulevard after church yesterday, hoping to catch a few glimpses, but we struck out. The fog, even at that time of the late morning, was still so dense that we could barely make out the outlines of poles and palm trees. Today’s another day, and I plan to walk on the strand shortly.

It’s been a super weekend, just what the doctor ordered before becoming totally immersed in the semester. In addition to shopping with my lovely daughter and sister-in-law, there were some fun dining experiences, lots of shared laughter, a movie (The Book of Eli), a leisurely stroll through Barnes and Noble, and attending church in Myrtle Beach. And lest I forget, my hubby and I hung bamboo shades in the bedrooms and curtains in the dining room. Dining room is kind of a misnomer since it’s actually an area at the end of the so-called living room, but still….

What I’ll probably remember most is going to church in Myrtle Beach yesterday. That’s where I spent so many of my younger years, and the memories of that place and time are more than a little dear. Yesterday as Elizabeth, her father, Jeff R., Sister Franklin, and I sat on the back row, I remembered the Sunday that a 12-year-old Carrie stood and bore her testimony. I sat quietly listening and thought, “She’s one brave kid.” She was and still is brave and valiant when it comes to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I remembered the first time I ever spoke in Sacrament and how nervous and downright shaky I was. To control my butterflies, I looked to the right where my family was sitting and to the middle section where Dennis Stalvey was. I knew that he’d be pretending to listen even if he wasn’t, and that gave me encouragement. I remembered Gail and Tom and their precious little children and how we were all friends “back in the day.” In fact, all of the people there were and still are  dear to me.

I recalled the Sunday when we got the word that several of the MB families would be thereafter attending church in the newly formed Conway branch, and we were one of them. I was in shock. How could I leave this edifice that I loved and the people within it? Little did I know how much my children would grow and reach more of their potential in that tiny church in Conway. Now that small congregation is a large, thriving, ever growing ward, and it too has friends that I enjoy worshipping with. At the moment I’m remembering the “farewell” talks that Paul and his father and I gave on his last Sunday there before leaving for the MTC and then Mexico where he served his mission. The congregation sang “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” because that was one of his favorites.

I didn’t mean to get so carried away. I only meant to write briefly about church yesterday and the primary message I took away: Listen to the Spirit. I’m capitalizing that because of its importance, not because of what some people might perceive as “a weird Mormon thing.” Sometimes it’s hard to discern the still, small voice from all of the other voices that vie for our attention. So how can you tell if it’s the spirit trying to get your attention or not? It’s simple. The spirit of God is going to direct you in ways that are good, good for you and for the people around you. Plus, it makes you feel serene, calm, and at peace. If you hear something like,

“You need to get revenge,”

“You should stay and gamble just a little longer,”

“It’s okay to cheat on this test,”

“Let someone else help the people in Haiti; I have my own problems.”

“It’s fine to flirt with this sexy babe or handsome hunk; my wife/husband/beloved will never know,” then you’re listening to the wrong messages. Satan’s static is interfering with the Spirit’s efforts to communicate with you. It will always direct you for good.

Enough of a sermonette. One of the best things that happened yesterday is that I reconnected with Elder Servin, a young elder who’s recently left the Camden area and is now serving in Myrtle Beach. He’s one of those especially special missionaries who going to leave his influence for good no matter where he is. I hope the folks in Myrtle Beach treat him well and that they’ll listen to his message.

As for yours truly, I’m trying to “Be still and know.”

Good Stuff

When my hubby left for work yesterday morning, I walked him to the door and went through the usual morning routine, including a quick kiss and “I love you” reminder. As he walked out into the frigid morning, I felt prompted to add, “Hey, I hope some good things happen to you today.” “Me too,” he said as he walked down the steps.

As I turned to walk back into the warm house, I thought about how several good things had already happened for both of us:

• We woke up. Some people don’t; some are in comas or in drug or alcohol induced states…or perhaps they died during the night. In that case, one can hope that they’re in a better place, but that’s a subject for another day.
• When we woke up, we were able to get ourselves up out of bed and start our day. My friend Joan Ella is a nurse who made me realize that some people wake up in hospitals or perhaps even in their own homes and they literally cannot get up. It could be their legs, but it could also be some other problem such as recovery from surgery, a stroke, or problems associated with advanced age. Those people have to wait for someone else to help them with going to the bathroom, bathing, brushing their teeth, dressing, and sometimes even feeding themselves.
• While we sometimes whine about the proverbial 9-to-5 that we’ve done all of our adult lives, it’s great to have jobs, especially at this time when so many people don’t. It’s also great to be able to get in our cars and drive somewhere as opposed to being stuck in a hospital room or a recliner.
• Speaking of jobs, we like them…another great blessing. It’d be horrible to live a life of quiet desperation that Thoreau described.
• We like our vehicles and are grateful for reliable transportation.

The above are just things I thought of while DH was leaving the driveway. Here’s some more good stuff that happened:

• Jim and I got to work early enough to fully get our ducks in a row before class.
• Driving to Sumter, we saw the huge orange sun as it rose on the horizon.
• As I was sitting in my office looking over some material, a young woman stopped and said, “Ma’am, I just stopped to say how pretty you look today. That’s a gorgeous coat and scarf.”  Nice, huh? I returned the compliment and told her how much I appreciated her sweet words. I also vowed to pass it on to someone else during the day. Just so you’ll know, I personally think the combination of the white coat and pink scarf is what turned her head.
• The above mentioned attire kept me warm. I’ve been thinking of ways to help people who are cold without making a big deal over it…something simple like leaving gloves or scarves accidently on purpose where they can be found.
• I met a new person, an psychology adjunct who’s bubbly and smart and interested in the psychology blog. Yay!
• I got to see my sister for a few minutes. Love her lots.
• Enjoyed Taco Bell for lunch. Variety’s nice.
• I watched Whitney and Allie play with their new hula hoops.

Time to go to work. I hope lots of good things happened to you yesterday too. Let me rephrase that: I hope you paid attention to the good things that happened to you yesterday. I hope you took the time to realize that no matter what’s going on in your life, there’s always some good stuff too. Mmmm. I’m getting ready to take a warm shower, a treat that many don’t enjoy. I’ve got a feeling that today is going to be another day with blessings galore.

Is Anger Okay?

My sister and I recently had a discussion about anger, and I told her that I sincerely believe that feeling anger is A-okay. It’s a normal human emotion. I also feel that acting on it is okay IF you do it in a managed sort of way. Hitting people, throwing things, having hissy fits, and hurling belittling insults is not a managed sort of way. In fact, I feel assured that having temper tantrums will lose friends and respect…not to mention jobs and perhaps your family.

The key is to express your anger in a way that gets your point across without losing your cool. I don’t have any pat formulas for doing this correctly, but I try to follow Stephen Covey’s advice to keep the courage/consideration balance. You have to have enough courage to speak up for yourself and get your point/anger/hurt/disappointment across, but at the same time you have to have consideration for the other person’s feeling. It’s tough. Just when you want to shake someone or give him (or her) a good tongue lashing, you have to pull back a little. At the same time, if you hold back too much, the other party might not even know you’re annoyed or angry and therefore keep doing whatever he was doing that perturbs you so much.

As Ann and I were talking, I mentioned a quote by Aristotle about anger, but I couldn’t remember it all at the time. I’ve since looked it up: “Anyone can become angry. That is easy; but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everyone’s power. That is not easy.”

A cardinal rule of behavioral psychology is that you teach people how to treat you. Consequently, you owe it to yourself and to others to let them know when they’ve crossed the line. How else will they know? If you’re being taken advantage of, talked down to, or used, get angry enough to take up for yourself. NOW.

New York, New York

My daughter-in-law Kelly is going to New York next weekend, and I’ve been scheming and dreaming of how and when I can go again. Until I have the money and the time, I’m going to do a little walking down Memory Lane.

The last time I went to the Big Apple was the first weekend in May. Some work chums and I had been talking about it for a while, and we decided that the weekend of graduation was the best time. Three of the group took Amtrak, and Nancy and I flew out of Charlotte. Our tickets were only $128 round trip, and we had no problems whatsoever. Well, that’s not entirely true because we had a delay of about an hour leaving Charlotte, but that’s a minor thing when you consider the reasonable cost and speedy, comfortable trip.

We stayed at Double Tree in Times Square, and one of the many things we liked about our accommodations is that they give fresh chocolate cookies to all of their guests. Yum! Sometimes little things make a big difference. After checking in, we walked to the New York Public Library and were overwhelmed with its awesomeness. Is that a word? The upstairs reading rooms had a hushed, reverent quality about themI loved picking up old tomes and reading bits and pieces of information. Afterward, Lisa, Linda, and I walked the streets gawking like a trio of exactly what we were, tourists from SC.  

I know no one is that interested in an hour by hour breakdown of our visit, so I’ll just hit the high spots beginning with the Evergreen, a neat little diner close to the hotel where we had breakfast a couple of mornings. We loved the “local color,” our French server, and reasonable prices on the excellent food.  We also enjoyed :

*The Strand, a bookstore with 18 miles of books. We were agog with the selection of books and atmosphere of the store.
*The two-day bus tour that took us on a loop all over Manhattan, complete with knowledgeable tour guides who gave us tons of  information about the city’s history and some of its famous residents.
*Chinatown and the Jobe restauarant where the dessert was “ice cream meeting with fried banana.”
*The sights, sounds, smells, and street vendors in Chinatown. We bought neat scarves and purses.
*La Mela on Mulberry Street in Little Italy.
*The South Street Seaport and the mix of people there.
*“Scarf night” at Juniors, a cool restaurant in the theatre district.
*Bryant Park and its outdoor reading room behind the New York Public Library.
 *Liberty Island and the climb to the top of the statue with Lisa and Linda.
*Ellis Island and the ambience in the great hall. I enjoyed this stop so much that I’ll probably write more about it later.
*The variety of people on the ferry to Liberty and Ellis Islands.
*Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge to Brooklyn and back to the southern tip of Manhattan.
*Seeing West Side Story with Nancy and Martha (loved the scene at the gym when Tony and Maria first see each other).  Lisa and Linda were equally impressed with Wicked.
*Being at the set of Today and having our picture made with Meredith….also with Lenny, a regular on the show.

What made the trip especially nice was traveling with such compatible, pleasant people. This is an extremely important element to consider if you’re considering a group trip. Not a harsh word was spoken, and all three nights I fell asleep hearing laughter and happy conversation.  We didn’t do everything together, and we were fine with that. Lisa, Linda, and I played the tourist role to the max while Nancy and Martha visited  museums.  

Nancy and I left the city first, and as the cab driver put our luggage in his car, he made polite conversation and asked us where we were from. When we said, “South Carolina,” he shook his head and said his wife was from there and was hinting that she wanted to move back. “It’s a great state” we assured him. “You’d enjoy living there.” We laughed at his reply. “I’m sure gonna miss her when she leaves.”

Anyone out there up for a trip to the Big Apple? I want to see The Lion King and need some pleasant, compatible travel buddies. Just say when.

Pretty and Powerful

For the last several nights, I’ve braved the frigid temperatures to go outside and cover my Sago palms with cloth. In years past, I’ve been a little slack about protecting them from the cold and frost, and their green spiky fronds have turned brown and sad looking. A kind friend once told me that she thought they looked gold and hence added a unique and upscale look to the landscape. Yeah, right.

When I went out to remove the protective cloths from the palms this morning, I glanced at my pansies. Yellow, purple, garnet, and white, they were gorgeous. Their pretty little faces seemed a tiny bit turned down, and yet they were still so lovely and so alive. How can it be that something that appears to be so delicate and fragile can be so strong? Through snow, ice, sleet, and below freezing temperatures, their pretty little faces are upturned as if to say, “Bring it on. We can take it.”

I’m probably stretching things a bit here, and yet I can’t help comparing the pansies to some people I know. While they may appear frail, they’re really tough, resilient, and hardy. They’re like steel magnolias. At the same time, the Sago palms look robust and tough, but they’re really not…at least not in cold weather. A cold snap and their fronds are dead and brown.

In years past, we’ve cut the dead fronds and are always thrilled to see the new green life emerging at the base of the plant. I guess there’s a lesson there too (pruning and growing), but today I’m thinking about those pansies and their lesson. If something as lovely and delicate as they are can withstand winter’s worst, so can I.

Last Vacation Day

Yesterday  was magnificent. Yes,magnificent. Not just okay or fine or great but absolutely superb. For years, as Christmas vacation grew to a close, I’d often say, “If only I had just one more day, one day of my own to putter, listen to music, hang around the house in sloppy duds, read a book, cook some homemade soup, and watch a little television.  Today I did it, all of the above and a little bit more.

First, I moved all of the Christmas stuff and wow, I liked the minimalist look. Things were bare and basic. My dining and living rooms had what I’ve heard described as the “fullness of nothing,” and it was rather nice. Have you ever been to someone’s home and felt closed in by all the stuff? I have, and I’ve often wondered why they didn’t just take some little something away. Little did I realize that I’ve been guilty of the same thing.

So I continued to putter and rearrange, and although I eventually put many items back in the exact same place, I moved others and put some away. I mean, how many candles does one need on display? How many family pictures are too many? That’s kind of a challenge because since we have a rather large family, we have tons of pictures and like having them out to look at. Some people advise that family photos should be away from public view and back in the bedrooms. I say you should decorate however you wish and that if you want a life size portrait of your grandchild as the focal point in your living room, it’s okay by me.

I’m not a fanatic, but I enjoy order and cleanliness. Mother Ann Lee who founded the United Society of Believers instructed her followers to remember that order was heaven’s first law. “There is no dirt in heaven” she said. I’ve read that the Shakers elevated order to a sacred art, and while I didn’t get that carried away, there’s only a minimal amount of clutter around there today. Too much of it creates confusion and chaos in my psyche, and I can’t even think straight or feel the inner peace I need.

Plus, my house is in feng shui order. I’m too lazy to look up an exact definition right now, so you’ll have to settle for mine: the ancient Chinese art of arranging one’s surroundings in such a way that more chi or positive energy is brought into play. Even a little bit of it can bring more harmony, clarity, and feelings of peace into a home. For instance, little things like having books in view reportedly increases insight. Having a mirror in your dining room to expands the abundance. Moving 27 things around a year gets the chi going and enhances our ability to move on with our lives. I worked on the latter yesterday, and it’s amazing what a difference little changes can make.

Sarah ban Breathnach says that when we clean and order our homes, we are somehow cleaning and ordering ourselves. I believe her. Now that my home is in order, I’m ready to tackle my working world. Sumter, here I come.